Now first things first; I realise that of all the words that you can put before ‘sex’ the word ‘safe’ isn’t the most exciting – especially considering the alternatives like ‘kinky’, ‘dirty’, ‘outdoor’, ‘anal’, ‘mind-blowing’...but if you want to indulge in sensational, passionate, worry-free sexual adventures for years and years to come, then safe sex is an absolute essential.

Having established the importance of safe sex it’s time for me to try to put my one track minds to good use and outline just how nonsensical some arguments against condom use are:

The Claim:

"With a condom on you can’t feel anything!"

The Truth:

Evidently you’ve been buying c**p condoms! I accept that if you’re using a bargain basement sheath bought in a rush from a rusty machine in a pub toilet then there’s a chance that you will indeed struggle to experience the subtle tactile sensations of penetrative intercourse. If however you’ve ever used any of the numerous Ultra-thin condoms, Sensitive condoms or Fetherlite condoms then you (like the rest of the sexually enlightened world) will be fully aware that by using a condom which works for you, you can experience awesome sex without potentially spawning a little one or contracting a genital nasty. Just shop around until you come across a willy warmer that works for you!

The Claim:

"They break really easily!"

The Truth:

If you have a particularly gargantuan penis then you may well break or tear a standard condom...which is why Extra large condoms exist (don’t get carried away though guys, if a standard condom fits you well then don’t go buying extra large johnnies to impress people, there’s a chance they’ll slip off). The other two major factors which can cause a condom to break are putting it on wrong (read the packaging properly for goodness sake!) and insufficient lubrication – which can be remedied with a high quality water-based sexual lubricant.

The Claim:

"They are unnatural and forbidden by my religion!"

The Truth:

Firstly, how many modern items are strictly ‘natural’? If you wear shoes on your feet then why not wear a condom on your little chap? Like a shoe, a condom is a manufactured product worn on a part of the body to ensure safe performance of a physical act (I realise that walking and sex are slightly different but you can see my point).

On the religion front: I am yet to hear of a religion which simultaneously denounces both recreational sex and condoms. If your belief is strong enough to prevent you from using a condom then surely it is strong enough to prevent you from engaging in sexually activity except with a spouse and then only for the purposes of reproduction...in which case you wouldn’t want a condom anyway.

The Claim:

"I can’t use a condom; I’m allergic to latex!"

The Truth:

A small proportion of people are indeed allergic to latex, and to be honest; if I was allergic to something I certainly wouldn’t encase my bits in it. I would of course buy one of the many equally effective types of latex-free condoms. Solved!

So wrap up warm; it’s almost Winter.